The Joys of False Innocence and Naivety
by Mrs. Quincy
Summary: How "Let's play a game" becomes "I need it to mean more". The trials and tribulations of an affair based on a mutual search for redemption and in the end true happiness. C/S with hints of D/S N/S B/C
1. Slipping Masks

_**Ok this takes place around season 2 with some major changes. Yes they are stepsiblings but Chuck and Blair never lasted through season 2. Bart is alive and well and happily married to lilly. Ok so read and review if you like it.**_

"Let's play a game" He says his signature smirk in place. Only she notices that it doesn't match his eyes. She knows he wants this and She knows he knows _**she**_ **needs **this**.**

She turns away from him as if she's pensive but they both know the answer to his statement automatically. This is the 10th night he's come in with the same exact words, the same expression and the same understanding. She's always thankful and He's always grateful. But for sanity's sake they need to pretend because He's Chuck Bass and She's Serena Vanderwoodson. And they are never suppose to think that way at least not out loud but they will never be naive.

"Okay, I'll get the Bourbon" She replies cynically hiding a smirk of her own. They never play without drinking because it feels better when they're drunk. (Even though they never really get drunk) She adjusts her T-Shirt and follows him out; she likes to pretend she's still naive. That she became pure and everything is good now even though her life has become her worst nightmare. He likes to pretend that it doesn't affect him and that this is just his way to fool around; that he really loved blair and wasn't looking for redemption. He notices a paper she was scribbling on falls to the ground and he picks it up and reads it quickly...

_I am tired for redeeming for sins through my own happiness. Allow me to be and allow me to lie so I don't suffer under anyone else's hands._

Chuck throws the paper to the ground before reaching down and grabbing it again and stuffing it in his pocket; his smirk wavers as he does so. His heart races as he hears Serena call his name from the hallway. They're alone and he feels nervous and he wants to...

Serena calls his name but she trembles she tells herself it's from the cold though she has never felt cold in the middle of fall. Serena's afraid but she won't admit it. She's alone with chuck and all she wants to do is...

But they have to pretend that what happens next is totally unprecedented.

Totally unexpected.

A Naïve Coincidence.

Completely out of their control.

This happens every night but neither of them want to admit that they_** need **_it.

Chuck will follow her to the balcony and wrap his arms around her as she turns and stares at him with those big blue eyes. They mirror each other's expression. Both of them have been hurt. Both of them have been alone for so long this new feeling of having someone there feels nice almost. They both go for the kiss that always starts gentle (only to warm up though) and then it turns rough and desperate (the most honest either have ever been in their whole lives as upper Eastsiders.) Serena clutches the bottle in her hand as if it's her safety as they continue to kiss and he unbuttons her shirt. This hasn't been a game for a while but they refuse to stop calling it their game.

And when she wakes up in the morning with his arms around her and their legs entangled she'll pretend this doesn't feel as good as it does. To be loved for her faults and not for who she is. (She sighs and holds on to him tighter before nestling her head in the crook of his neck before falling back to sleep) but she doesn't really like him. (That's what she tells herself.)

And when he wakes up with his arms tight around her slim naked waist and her long legs entangled with his he'll pretend that he's not at peace even though this is the first time he's been so content (happy though he'll never admit such a thing). It still a game he says as he pulls her body tighter to his (almost afraid to let go) and nuzzles her neck before falling asleep wondering if this is all a very short lived dream.

It's a game of playing Naïve.

When Blair asks her what's going on with the reason that she's worried (jealous of) Serena. Serena simply laughs and shrugs saying that simply because she and Chuck are friends doesn't mean anything's going on it's just…

She takes a deep breath before telling Blair he's helping her forget Dan and she needs that. She can see the envy in Blair's eyes from miles away and she knows Blair suspects it but she leaves Blair with two last thoughts.

"It's always a game with me and Chuck you know that B. So just drop it." (Her heart always aches a bit after she says that and she feels like falling to the ground with those few words but she keeps walking anyways and continues like nothing has changed.)

When Nate asks him if he's ok; Chuck always replies the same way.

"I'm Chuck Bass of course I'm okay."

Chuck can see how jealous Nate is but he knows Nate would never say such a thing in front him or to anyone. He asks how Serena is with a strange light in his eyes; a longing chuck will never understand (even though he already does). Chuck always replies the same answer in the same cocky over confident tone and Nate never suspects.

"She's fine and It's a game to help her Nathaniel you are welcome to join anytime." (His muscles always tense when he says this and for a minute or two he sees red. His heart aches but he gets into his limo and confidently drives off to the palace even though he feels like hitting the wall)

One night of strip poker (They don't always play the same game. Chuck would never let that happen) Serena poses a question.

"Do you honestly think we're alone Chuck?"

He's surprised at the question but answers in a reverent tone "No S because We'll always have Jack and…."

"What Chuck" she says as innocently as a child.

"Each other" he whispers before throwing down the cards and crushing her lips to his with reckless abandon and desperation.

_If we were to end this façade, this game of pretend we play so well I fear all our walls would crumble. Tonight let's wear the masks and let it slide just a bit to see each other's eyes._


	2. Once in a Blue Moon

_**Please Please Read**_

_**Author's note:**__** Ok so tell me what you think and**_ _**I have 2 questions for I change the summary and if so to what?? Do you like short chapters in a more rapid succession or would you rather read the long one like the first one but wait longer… and if I get in of reviews I promise a jealous Chuck next Chapter!!! ^_^**_

"Let's get drunk."

She looks at him with those wide uncertain blue eyes before nodding. She has never felt so lost but neither has he. Chuck was just much better at masking his emotions; naturally he had many years of practice that only she would understand. She walks over to the bar as he stares at the long strides she takes with an ease of confidence. Serena was good at lieing to almost everyone but with him it seemed impossible.

"What's wrong S?" he says in a teasing manner but she could hear the edge of concern.

"Nothing just Everything..." She says in a vague philosophical voice she herself feels doesn't belong to her.

He feels the tension in the room and pours her a glass with the hard scotch. They've both had their bad nights so they just dealt with it the best they knew how. With Hard Liquor. It was natural to Chuck to understand that everything could be wrong. Blair had tried to talk to him after her chat with Serena and it gave him a migraine just to think about it.

_"Tell me you're not Chuck please" Blair says in a tone so foreign to her and chuck; a tone full of desperation and pleading._

_"So what if I am?" he says in a cold tone not even he thought was possible when talking to Blair. He doesn't want to see her face so he turns around._

"_But you're not right?" she says in a tone that's snobby and if he was still with her than…_

"Chuck" Serena whispers so sweetly it breaks Chuck out of his reverie. He turns his head and looks at her and for once she lets herself fall down to the ground. Her small baby doll slightly opens but Chuck sees her close her eyes.

"Why are you trying to fix me when I'm broken beyond repair?" she says a small crystal perfect blue tear escaping her eyes.

Than he does something he would never do for anyone else, he kneeled down and towhere she was sitting and rubbed the tear off her cheek and whispers in the most honest and ruff voice he has ever used "Because you healed me when I was beyond breathing."

This time he doesn't kiss her he just hold her because he knows this is what they both need tonight. They fall asleep with the full moon overhead and in a scene so tragically lovely he never lets her go through out the night.

Serena opens her eyes first and she sees it's dawn as Chuck pulls her closer. She reaches her lips to his and it's a soft kiss with so many things they may never say to each other.

I'm sorry.

You're everything.

Thank you.

The kiss turns rougher as they make love on the bed not caring who walks in to Chuck's suite because at the moment they are the only ones that matter. Just as they lose themselves to each other someone leaves the hotel heartbroken destroyed and angered at the sight of losing someone they once loved so dearly.

An imperfect tear slides down Blair Waldorf's cheek before she composes herself enters the taxi and drives to the Archibald estate. The same thought goes through all three of their minds…

**I Love You**

_Once in a blue moon we lose ourselves to the truth. It can save us from drowning but it can also kill us if we're not prepared for what we learn._


	3. Glittering Scars in Darkness

"Let's not do this tonight"

The only words that linger in the midnight sky. Chuck's looking at Serena lost and she lets her long legs dangle down the bed before leaving. Nothing's happened and they can both barely breathe. The moon is gone and it's completely done.

"S what about..." Chuck says mumbling and trying to let her go but struggling.

"Chuck she knows..." Serena says with a look on her face that tells Chuck exactly who she is. Serena stares at him studying his reaction and waiting for him to leave her like so many others have. And in this moment she can't help but think of her father. How he left her when she was barely young in of to know what it meant.

Chuck stares at Serena's eyes that become sadder as the moment passes and he knows what she's thinking about. He hates to hurt Blair but he knows he can never leave Serena. Even though whatever sick twisted game they were playing was bound to hurt many in the end he realized something in that moment as he noticed her eyelashes wet matted with tears that hadnt fallen yet and knows that the one person who cant be scarred is her.

'We'll deal with it S, we always do." He doesnt think of Blair and he doesnt think of Nate, He doesn't think of Bart and He doesn't think of him. All he does is bring Serena Vanderwoodson and holds her tight because the most precious thing he realizes isn't his father's acceptance (which he might never recieve) or Blair's Heart (Which she never really gave to him anyway) or Nate's companionship (Which remains inconstant) but the one thing he does have which is Serena (because she never withheld herself not from him.)

Serena holds just as tight and suddenly she closes her eyes and she realizes that she may in much deeper than she thought. (They were both in deep denial)

She Kisses him hard and he shows her to bed before touching her in such desperation the truth is almost out. (Even though later they would both write it off as rough sex)

Blair's first thought that morning reflects anger and betrayal she felt two nights before. How could they do this to her a Waldorf??

She thought of Nate and how he'd touched her when he found out. (Rougher than ever before) She thought about how Chuck had looked at Serena (And how he never looked like her like that) She looks to her left and Nate's sleeping but she cant help but notice how wrong he looks. (Mumbling Serena's name with a furrowed brow)

_In the middle of the day when everything's clear we are blinded by our own lies but when there is nothing but the darkness your eyes are the clearest things to me...._


	4. Pearls in Moonlight

"Screw this."

Chuck says with a sardonic smile before he grabs Serena's legs again. She giggles so light and carefree. Chuck closes his eyes for a millisecond blinking. (Savoring her laugh) He grabs her again and throws her against his bed; He kisses her again and as they lose themselves in each other (The bed shaking trembling) they can't help think of the night before.

"We haven't left this room all day Chuck" Serena says after (They both can't believe she hasn't lost her voice). She stretches her legs against his lap and takes another sip of Good ol' Jack. She leans her head against the mahogoney wood head board that at the moment seems like it's on fire. She thinks about what the color means to her as Chuck strokes her legs and kisses her neck. She thinks about the anger in Blair's eyes almost a burgandy as the wine glass she was holding.

_"How could you do this to me S?" Blair says drunkenly falling over as she sits in the lobby._

_"B what are you talking about?" _

_"You took Chuck when he loved me me me!!! I hate you" Blair's in tears and Serena just stands by and turns unable to watch the fallen queen and unable to imagine it was her that did this. And she feels so guilty she doesn't think she can look at herself or Chuck ever again. (Though she has no trouble touching him until they're both screaming)_

"Let's go out" She says excitedly and smiles nibbling on his neck. Chuck shakes unable to resist Serena in any form he can have her. He throws her down on the bed and kisses her neck. She giggles and he rips his own blue shirt off her. (Baby Blue the color of Nate's eyes when he looks at Serena but he can't have her or the color of her eyes when she's just secure in of to trust him) Serena continues giggling uncontrollably until she lets out a sweet sweet scream. **I win **are the only words Chuck can think of.

After Serena falls asleep from exhaustion Chuck closes his eyes and thinks. He thinks about how he hates to share her and why he would hate to go out with her. He thinks about how other guys stare and suddenly he feels that anger and he recalls one of his few conversations with Nate before his father's wedding when everything was simpler and different. (Or perhaps just the same)

_Nate drunkenly slurs "Chuck I'm an idiot man I'm an idiot."_

_Chuck holds Nate up as he falls almost crying (Nate was never a good drunk) Chuck wants to stab him for a moment for inconviencing him like this (For being with Serena like this) "Why? You have Brooklyn." Chuck laughs snidely._

_"I Still love Serena and now she's with Humphrey that unlucky bastard; I would give anything to be him right now" Nate says as he falls against the wall. _

_Chuck straightens his tie and prepares to toast for his love (responsibilty) for Blair. He sighs at Nate's foolishness for some girl (Never some girl the only girl worth giving everything for) _

_"You'll be fine Nathaniel" Chuck says before walking away (Not mentioning that he had seen her and Cabbage patch break up during the ceremony) He goes to make his toast and takes another shot. _

_Just as he takes a drink there he sees her (he refuses to say her name) looking beautiful even in those hideous bridesmaids dresses. He just stares for a moment and he thinks of her as his Lolita for just a moment; He thinks of the innocence she holds and the vulgarity with which she holds it and he thinks of how forbidden it would be for just one more touch. _

_Before he knows it they're both drunk and his lips touch hers (She tastes like peppermint on a christmas morning) He composes himself and makes a speech that even his father could be proud of._

Chuck notices Serena's bare neck and kisses it slowly. He thinks of what jewel she would be. Blair would be a diamond (pure flawless but in the end just very expensive glass that's been corrupted). Vanessa would be a black stone ( a chaotic storm in his life.) Jenny would be Cubic Zercoium (trying to be another diamond in the bunch)

Serena. Georgina would be a black Diamond (Steals all the light from the room.)Serena she would be his pearl (Hard to find, beautiful, unique, innocent, Sultry but not at all corrupted).

"I'll never let them hurt you" He says to her quietly even though he knows she can't hear him. He lays back and wonders how and why this took so long and if it can even last. They were both so broken could they fix each other or where they lost forever? He takes a swig and closes his eyes falling a sleep and holds Serena tight.

Leaving the gentlest of kisses on her temple before giving in to everything he needs and just as he does Serena smiles and mumbles "Chuck don't worry about me. You're here" just like she did when she was younger.

**Blair Waldrof** has never been more ashamed of herself. Nate has left the night before but she still wants to scream. She still wants blood but she can't have it. She wonders would she rather lose Chuck to a stranger or to Serena?

And Stranger sounds better. She hates that S is never perfect but always prefered. How she can always drink more than Blair and how when Chuck looks at her he looks at her like she's everything and Blair like she's anything.

She takes another glass of champagne and calls her father because he will let her cry and than he'll tell her that everything will be alright though she knows it never will.

And when they all sleep that night they recall the same dream

_"Chuck It hurts" Serena cries under the tree her knee scratched and her yellow sun flower dress ruined. Chuck follows her and sees the bleeding and a single tear fall from her eye._

_Blair wants to scream for Chuck to see her but she's with Nate and it shouldn't matter (but it does because all he sees is Serena and all Nate can do is stare with concern)_

_Blair goes and scolds S but she cant help but envy her. Serena gets up and runs with Chuck back to the sand before he chases her and they disappear into the horizon and though they are not as beautiful as she and nate or well organized. They look happier than any of them have ever been (or will be)._

_**Secretly we all envy the free. We envy the rare and We envy the happy. But when one is all three hold them tight or resent them with all your might because if you dont they'll burn away.**_


	5. An Artful Affair

"Don't torment me like this."

Blue eyes stare at brown and suddenly everything becomes a haze. Lips touch and legs tangle, Clothing is ripped and falls to the floor carelessly and at the moment the room is silent except for the screaming and giggles coming from the leggy blonde. As they both finish tired but still fufilled they stare at each other lost again.

"Chuck... that was so..." Serena replies shell shocked on top of his chest ;glad that her mother isn't here and that Eric is out with Derek his new Swedish boyfriend. "Amazing." She finishes and lays down lost thinking of everything and nothing. She recalls that summer she first saw her father walk out and closes her eyes trying to end that thought(She thinks of Dan, Carter, Scott and all the other boys who walked out on her). She recalls the first time she ever kissed Chuck and she can't help but think of when this will end too. A single tear falls onto Chuck's arm distracting him from his thoughts.

"Serena what's wrong?" He asks and Chuck shows real concern somrthing no one had never seen in his eyes. He sees how she's fallen and he tries to recall when they were both innocent and when they both weren't so fallen and so broken that they couldn't see the light. He wonders for only a second if they weren't broken could they ever be together? (Could he live without her either way)

"Nothing Chuck, nothing." She speaks quietly and sees the concern in Chuck's eyes taking her back and making her breathless. No matter how much she enjoys a cocky self confident Chuck just she's perfect and free and wild and they both can't be tamed (Though many have tried e.g. Blair, Nate, Dan, Lilly, Bart ect.) She loves the human side of Chuck more than anything. Not the part that's scheming but the part that is truly and utterly honest. The part that's as scarred as she is and as scared as she is.

"You know Nabokov once said The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible." Chuck says softly and Serena smiles both sharing a secret that they've never told anyone and perhaps never will.

_Serena's twelve year old form stayed glued to Chuck as he read as softly and quietly as he could. They both knew they would be in immense trouble should they get caught. Serena had found the book Lolita among her mother's numerous collections and she became entranced. The moment she found it she screamed for Chuck and they began the book immediatly in central park. _

_"Chuck am I a nymphet?" She says strangly her lips inches from his as he continues to discuss the girl scout motto. _

_Chuck pauses and with out missing a step of her graceful motions touches his lips to hers without her realizing. "You definatly taste like one. You taste like chocolate like great chocolate." (Even than he knew she was going to be everything)_

_"The Girl Scout's motto, is also mine. I fill my life with worthwhile deeds such as--well, never mind what. My duty is--to be useful. I am a friend to animals. I obey orders. I am cheerful. That was another police car. I am thrifty and I am absolutely filthy in thought, word and deed." Serena says to Chuck with skill before disappearing in to the woods._

"I still believe Lolita is simply Nabokov acting on his own prevalant desires S." Chuck says laughing (really laughing not faking it).

"I don't think it's about blame Chuck; It's a love story about how we can be so selfish and ruin everything. It's not about hidden desires but about how we hide how we feel" she says wisely. (They were both very smart but school always felt like a waste of time for them.)

"Perhaps" he replies as he kisses his own Lolita; his own perfection of art. She kisses him and thinks of how perfect he is even broken. (Something Blair could never accept)

................................................................................................................

Nate Archibald was never one to speak of his feelings he was taught that to show emotion was to show weakness. So he took everything in stride (Unless he got a bit tipsy). But he was finally mad enough to react, when Blair had told him he barely believed her. Chuck and Serena had never really liked each other much to begin with. They were both too similar or different. At this moment Nate Archibald was too angry to think. He felt too betrayed by the guy he considered his best friend. (he didnt have too many friends)

Serena had always been to him an angel perfect and without flaws. Chuck had always been the demon without a drop of good to him. This revelation had been a complete surprise to him (Not really he knew it and he had seen it). So when Blair told her they had been together (Not just messed around but been together) he took Blair and messed around with her but still it wasnt enough. All he could think of was Serena and how he hadn't been smart in of to keep her.

Nate held Blair in his arms as he slept. (but he still wishes it was Serena)

_A work of art has no importance whatever to society. It is only important to the individual. - Vladimir Nabokov_

_Art is subjective but in truth Art is most beautiful to the artist because only he can understand the secrets art holds._

_**Disclaimer: Some elements of this chapter belong to Nabokov and is not mine. Question: I am contemplating stopping this story for a new idea. I could do this or both (CS ) what would you prefer?**_


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